It’s seldom fun being awakened at 2 am. This time it was a code red yelp from our dog needing to go out. It’s not as if we didn’t ask him to go before bed but he “didn’t have to go then, Dad”. It was a play at the plate, but I shook off the cobwebs and got the door open in time.
Chuck ran out and immediately began barking. This was his no-kidding-around-I’m-legitimately-pissed bark. Likely another deer that ventured into the backyard. Following more barking and sniffing and the business initially intended to conduct, he returned to the house, proud at having dispatched the intruder. He was blinking his eyes quite a bit though and – Mother Hubbard! What is that smell?
Skunks are funny creatures. They seem fat and lazy, never in a hurry. I guess you don’t have to be one of nature’s go-getters when armed with the wild’s equivalent of a WMD. Mountain lions eye a skunk in wide open space and the salivary glands go into immediate shutdown. “You know, Bob, that was an awfully fat groundhog we ate just a couple hours ago…”
The net has many recipes for dogs covered in skunk perfume. One concoction in particular got raving reviews. The best news was that we already had almost all the ingredients: hydrogen peroxide, baking soda and dishwashing detergent. It just couldn’t be applied to Chuck’s head because the hydrogen peroxide and baking soda combined could damage his eyes. Sadly, the skunk had scored a direct hit to the big guy’s face so we’d definitely need this key fourth ingredient. One we didn’t have in the house.
Safeway, Moraga, CA 2:21 am (doesn’t matter what day, just pick one). One check stand is open, sans checker. Your faithful correspondent has on a sweatshirt, jeans, shoes likely on the wrong feet and hair like he’d just backed through a hedge. At long last the clerk is located. Female, just perfect. Insult to injury. It all just came pouring out of me.
“Let me start by saying I’m not a weirdo. My dog was sprayed by a skunk and we have this recipe for a shampoo but we don’t have everything, well we have most of it but not this one thing we need for his head so we don’t burn his eyes and make him blind, oh-my-god I can’t believe this but – um- oh jeez, what the hell, where’s the feminine hygiene stuff?”
Silencio.
Then laughter.
Now lots of laughter. Then two people are laughing. Turns out that her dog had just been sprayed so we were able to compare notes on delousing techniques. Now when it’s crowded and I check out she likes to ask (with a wink), “Did you find everything ok?”
Gentlemen, if you find yourself in need of Summer’s Eve, the middle of the night is the best time to make the acquisition. The employees are just glad to have anyone to talk to and there’s little chance of running into your high school football coach. Anyone else make any embarrassing purchases?
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