Shoes on the Other Feet

The kids are to be picked up from swimming at 6:30.  This isn’t some days, it’s every day.  Yet time after time I find myself driving with great urgency, coaxing upcoming traffic lights and groaning at slow drivers.  It was the same again tonight.  It became clear I wouldn’t be on time and my last hope was the kids would get out late.  Then I saw something that made me forget I even have children.

A man was walking his two golden retrievers.  Three souls (in my world, dogs have souls, cats and fish are animals), two leashes and ten shoes making their way down the street.  Do the math.  Ordinarily, I try not to park on sidewalks.  I also try not to terrify pedestrians by leaping out of my car and bounding toward them.  I was unsuccessful on both fronts.  My need to know what the hell he was thinking got the best of me.

I raised my palms to let the startled fellow know I meant no harm but there was an awkward pause.  I couldn’t simply say, “Ummm, why?!?”.  I went with “What are your dogs wearing there?”

“Shoes.”

“Shoes indeed!” I answered, nowhere in the vicinity of satisfied.  The phony reasoning for my stopping quickly coalesced.  “My wife and I are taking our dog camping and thought he might need something for his feet.  Do they work well?”

“I think so, the man at the pet store said the dogs won’t get allergic reactions from the cement.”  Or, equally likely on cement, canine STD’s.

This was now a contest to see who could be most ridiculous and I was way behind.  For the time being.  “My concern is that they might get a little ‘footy’.  Do they start to stink?  I mean, I have that problem.  The wife makes me keep my shoes in plastic containers in the closet.  Is there a smell issue?”  That got me on the ridiculous scoreboard.  I was too far behind to ever catch up but at least it wasn’t a shutout.

Apparently, dog shoe folk lack a sarcasm radar.  His brow furrowed a bit, then cleared with recognition.  “Oh, smell, there’s no smell problem.”

“Terrific,” I oozed.  “Do you mind if I take a quick photo?  I’d love to be able to show my wife what they look like.”

 

Now you can see I’m not making it up.

Eventually, I did pick up three irritated teenagers.  They climbed into the car, one complaining, two opting for the silent irritated routine.  It’s shocking how fast a picture of two dogs sporting Air Fidos can change the mood.  At the kids urging, on the way home we drove up and down streets trying to find the trio but no luck.

A little research shows that any number of footwear options are available to the fashion conscious pooch.  There are practical options (if you live on the North Pole or Death Valley) and the eccentric, ranging from denim basketball shoes to the night-out-with-the-gals leopard print.  Until we move to Minneapolis or Phoenix, our dogs will be bare foot.  I wouldn’t want to see the look on my Lab’s face if I tried to lace him up in cross trainers.