My family and I went to a Superbowl party yesterday. We knew a few people and correctly assumed there would also be people we hadn’t met. In any case, it would be fun, we’d make some new friends and have a few laughs. Good times and noodle salad, to borrow a line from Jack Nicholson. I also got to spend some time with The Smartest Guy in the Room.
It was obvious during the pregame show. The guys were in the den talking all things football: players, coaches, interviews and our favorite announcers. The best dressed guy, seated dead center, then offered a simile which involved Thoreau and transcendentalism. Oh boy, buckle up. I wasn’t sure how it equated but it wasn’t my party so I wasn’t going to point it out. As the day wore on, this fellow would pull his nose out of his Bordeaux to answer any question posed, rhetorically or otherwise.
It’s only fair to say that when I was more immature (hard to believe that’s possible, I know), I would have engaged someone like this differently. My own insecurities would lead me to demonstrate that I too had read Walden and a wide assortment of other books, thank you very much. Alternatively, I might have made a show of burying my own substantial schnoz in my mineral water (I don’t drink anymore, turns out I was terrible at stopping). This is not only overtly unkind but the bubbles tickle my nose and I end up dribbling water on my shirt. It pleases me to say that I’ve moved beyond that stage. I regret to admit that I haven’t moved very far, but as I pointed out on the way home, hey, I never argued with the Smartest Guy in the Room.
There’s a better way to have fun with the neighborhood pedant. It gives me occasion to play the most uninformed and under educated person in the room. Everyone wins. Instead of photographic memory, I mentioned a buddy with a photogenic memory. Instead of a moot point, I alluded to a “mute” point. I even lobbed an “irregardless” grenade. A direct hit judging by the wince.
One day I’ll take that next step and become a real live, card carrying adult. Just not today.
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